That’s a philosophical point- I don’t disagree, human existence is lonely.
But the loneliness of authenticity is quite specific to therapists because of anonymity and neutrality. Imagine saying everything on your mind to someone you don’t know at all outside the room. It’s like writing on a blank slate….
I actually didn’t mean it as a philosophical point :) It’s just that I don’t have any deep knowledge of psychoanalysis. But I’m very interested in the topic of “authentic communication” or however it might be called. I just came across this quote by Carl Jung the other day:
“As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know. Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”
And it sounds like it’s about something existential (and very relatable), where a therapist is not necessarily a solution.
But when I tried to Google “authentic communication psychoanalysis”, what came up was all patient-therapist framed. Would you recommend any particular books on this topic?
In relation to your last point: I think apart from anonymity and neutrality, there’s also the quality of the therapist that it’s their job to listen you, and they will never say, “why are you telling me this? I have no idea what you are talking about it.” But yes, also there’s trust that the therapist is not going to post your deepest fears all over social media. But the therapy setting is more about sth being “mechanistically” wrong - some deep held beliefs, unprocessed emotions, internalized communication patterns etc. “There’s no one I can share the content of my thoughts with” is not really a problem fixable in therapy.
So the therapy context is both relevant and insufficient at the same time.
You do express yourself very well and I like that quote from Jung. I think you have it there in a nutshell- being human is about communication being relevant as well as insufficient at the same time. A therapist might be interested in that jarring quality of feeling. Again if there is someone willing to sit with you, continue to be interested and be a witness while you struggle- you could call that psychoanalysis. No solutions though, just deepening understanding …
There’s a lovely book by Stephen grosz called ‘the examined life’ which addresses authenticity. It’s quite accessible. Another psychoanalyst - kleinian- called Irma Brenman Pick wrote a very good book on authenticity in the clinical encounter. Its technical and has a lot of analytical language.
This is a beautiful resumé of s relationship that made the world more rich for decades to come. Rumi’s work is stunning, and brings us to our knees before the truths he joyfully places at our feet. I bless his friendship with Shams of Tabriz, because i believe he catalyzed Rumi’s soul growth, ABs made that poems possible. Who dares to fault a relationship with such solid, godly fruit?
The quote about “I am delivered through him…” wow. I love the subject of deliverance and think one of life’s everyday miracles is our ability to return each other back to ourselves and back to god (one and the same).
The problem with idle talk is not that people consciously desire to replicate small talk, but that it has subconsciously replaced their idea of what conversations should look like. As humans, we are fickle creatures in our inability to escape habit -- it is very hard for us to believe that authentic communication is what we should consistently fight for if, by the nature of our society and its conversations, we strike idle talk through habit. One must wonder if there is a way to re-engineer society such that idle talk does not become the default of our penchants for conversation.
I like this article. Thank you for putting it together.
In psychoanalysis authentic communication is everything- but it’s also the most painful and paradoxically lonely thing.
Does it apply to any communication? (Not just to the therapist and the patient?)
That’s a philosophical point- I don’t disagree, human existence is lonely.
But the loneliness of authenticity is quite specific to therapists because of anonymity and neutrality. Imagine saying everything on your mind to someone you don’t know at all outside the room. It’s like writing on a blank slate….
I actually didn’t mean it as a philosophical point :) It’s just that I don’t have any deep knowledge of psychoanalysis. But I’m very interested in the topic of “authentic communication” or however it might be called. I just came across this quote by Carl Jung the other day:
“As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know. Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”
And it sounds like it’s about something existential (and very relatable), where a therapist is not necessarily a solution.
But when I tried to Google “authentic communication psychoanalysis”, what came up was all patient-therapist framed. Would you recommend any particular books on this topic?
In relation to your last point: I think apart from anonymity and neutrality, there’s also the quality of the therapist that it’s their job to listen you, and they will never say, “why are you telling me this? I have no idea what you are talking about it.” But yes, also there’s trust that the therapist is not going to post your deepest fears all over social media. But the therapy setting is more about sth being “mechanistically” wrong - some deep held beliefs, unprocessed emotions, internalized communication patterns etc. “There’s no one I can share the content of my thoughts with” is not really a problem fixable in therapy.
So the therapy context is both relevant and insufficient at the same time.
You do express yourself very well and I like that quote from Jung. I think you have it there in a nutshell- being human is about communication being relevant as well as insufficient at the same time. A therapist might be interested in that jarring quality of feeling. Again if there is someone willing to sit with you, continue to be interested and be a witness while you struggle- you could call that psychoanalysis. No solutions though, just deepening understanding …
There’s a lovely book by Stephen grosz called ‘the examined life’ which addresses authenticity. It’s quite accessible. Another psychoanalyst - kleinian- called Irma Brenman Pick wrote a very good book on authenticity in the clinical encounter. Its technical and has a lot of analytical language.
This is a beautiful resumé of s relationship that made the world more rich for decades to come. Rumi’s work is stunning, and brings us to our knees before the truths he joyfully places at our feet. I bless his friendship with Shams of Tabriz, because i believe he catalyzed Rumi’s soul growth, ABs made that poems possible. Who dares to fault a relationship with such solid, godly fruit?
The quote about “I am delivered through him…” wow. I love the subject of deliverance and think one of life’s everyday miracles is our ability to return each other back to ourselves and back to god (one and the same).
Beware of Heidegger...
The problem with idle talk is not that people consciously desire to replicate small talk, but that it has subconsciously replaced their idea of what conversations should look like. As humans, we are fickle creatures in our inability to escape habit -- it is very hard for us to believe that authentic communication is what we should consistently fight for if, by the nature of our society and its conversations, we strike idle talk through habit. One must wonder if there is a way to re-engineer society such that idle talk does not become the default of our penchants for conversation.